I’m not sure where to start with this so I’m just going to write. Yes, it’s been a very long time. I think almost 3 months? I don’t know. Anyway, I’ve been really struggling and at the same time not struggling. I know that doesn’t really make sense so let me break it down. I’ve been battling internally with a lot of things and I think by the end of the year a lot of those things will come to light but for now, the main thing I’ve been struggling with is my mental well being. I have let the environment I’m in control of the narrative in my mind.
I say outwardly that I’m not going to be comparing myself to anyone else and the only person I’m in competition with is me. My mind says that’s a lie. I walk into uni and sit in my lectures listening to all these amazing ideas and wonder what am I really doing here? Is it really worth it? It is really worth it when ay the age of 24 going on 25 I’m in debt? Is it really worth it when I have bo idea fully what path to go down? Some days it isn’t so bad I wake up and think okay I can do this! My lectures tell me I have potential it is worth my while. But, honestly, those days are very rare.
I’m writing about it now because I haven’t written anything in a while and I wanted you guys to really see where my head was and is at with everything. What’s upset me most about all this is that I truly believe I’m a writer. I enjoyed it. It was what I was good at and now I’ve found that I haven’t had the motivation to put pen to paper or even revisit past work.
That’s the struggles. On the other side of it, I am not struggling because I’m alive! I have a roof over my head and a place I can sleep. Sometimes, I have to put things into perspective because there are people out there who have it a lot worse than me.
I’m just trying to be transparent and open. Even though what’s going through my mind and what you read is personal, I want to share it so you have a better understanding of who I am.
It might not make sense but that’s the point right now. I use this platform as a way to let it all out and now I’ve got something out there I can get back into the flow of writing and posting.
Peace & Love ✌❤